Chapter 45: Helping a Loved One with Endo (Part 5)

This is the final blog post in this series about helping a loved one with endometriosis based on which love language they identify with. So far I've covered receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service. I've been putting today's post for physical touch off because I hate being touched and the Covid-19 Pandemic has only made it worse. Seriously, I find manicures to be too intimate because of all of the hand holding involved. Always ask your loved one what the best way is to help.

People whose love language is physical touch enjoy hugs, hand holding, public displays of affections (which I don't have the words to accurately describe how much I hate), or joking physical touch with friends such as hair touseling, poking, etc.

Because endometriosis often causes a great deal of physical pain, this can be a tricky situation. Some people (like me) do not want to be touched when they are in extreme pain. Others are comforted by hand holding, back and shoulder rubs, soothing hair and head rubs, etc. It all depends on the person, but you should definitely ask first, and then respond to verbal and non-verbal cues.

Although this love language is not necessarily about sex, it is an important thing to mention for women with endometriosis. Endo often causes painful intercourse. That means that for some endo patients, penis in vagina sex is often unpleasant or impossible. This is when consent and communication come into play and are so important (for any sexual encounter, but especially important here). Endo patients may require a lot of foreplay, a lot of lube, or even a device such as the OhNut, a size-adjustable bumper that can control the depth of penile penetration during intercourse. Again, consent and communication are key here before anything new is tried.

People whose love language is physical touch feel the most loved and cared for when their loved ones display their love through touching. Your job as their loved one is to adjust your physical acts of love based on their pain levels (which often corresponds to where they are in their menstrual cycle. For me, ovulation and bleeding are the most painful). The way they want to be touched may vary widely depending on pain flares. Listen to what they want and remember to apply what you've learned for later flares. If you're unsure, ask.