Chapter 38: Helping a Loved One With Endo (Part 2)

Earlier this month, I wrote a blog post about different ways to help your loved one with endo through gifts, which is one of the 5 love languages. Today I'd like to focus on another one of the love languages, which is words of affirmation. People whose love language is words of affirmation need to know how much you care through your words. It needs to be genuine and have emotion and intention behind the words. Examples of general words of affirmation are: "I'm so proud of you," "I am here for you if you need any support, please let me know," and "I love you."

When it comes to endometriosis, the key is letting the person with endo know that you believe them, value them, and support them even on days where the pain is bad and they might not be acting like the best version of themselves. A super big trigger with endo patients (and anyone with chronic invisible pain) is others not believing their pain. I know my own anxiety about this stems from being dismissed by so many doctors. I now assume that everyone thinks I'm faking it or weak, and then try to over explain my symptoms and justify how I'm feeling physically. This is not uncommon. It's also a hard habit to break because most endo patients continue to deal with the stigma surrounding women's health and the ignorance of those in the medical community.

What an endo patient needs most is to have you in their corner and for reminders of your support. If your friend group or family has an event or activity planned that they aren't feeling up to attending, support them in that decision. If they ask you to tag along to a doctor's appointment and then their symptoms are dismissed as "bad periods," speak up about the impacts you see on their quality of life. If they are nervous about a surgery or procedure, provide support. Assure them that you are there and will not abandon them because of their pain. Assure them they they are not a burden because of their endometriosis.

No endo patient is exactly the same, so have an open discussion with your friend, family member or partner about how they need to receive verbal support from you. Some may not want you to say anything to others in their life or to doctors. Some might want you to speak up. It depends on the person. Asking and showing concern and interest are hugely important though, even if the person might not respond to verbal displays of love and support.

Stay tuned for posts that deal with the other 3 love languages and how to provide support.