Chapter 40: Helping a Loved One with Endo (Part 3)

I've previously blogged about how to help friends and loved ones with endo when their love language is receiving gifts or words of affirmation. Today we will be focusing on how to help people whose love language is acts of service. For people who value acts of service, actions really do speak louder than words. You appreciate what a person does for you to show they care. For this love language, I think it would be most beneficial to break this post down into two categories- things to help in general and things specifically that help after excision surgery. As always, all endo patients are not the same, so the best way to help someone is to ask what they need!

Acts of Service That Generally Help Endo Patients

1. Drive them to doctors appointments or any medical testing that they need. I had to take a lot of Xanax to get through my transvaginal ultrasound so the fact that my friend Chelsea drove me there was a lifesaver! Thanks, Chelsea!

2. During real bad pain days, simple things like getting groceries can seem impossible. Offer to pop by with food and cook or clean. Before my surgery, I would have pain flares that lasted days. Nothing got done, which made me feel even worse.

3. There is nothing worse than running out of period supplies when you're having a bad period. Running to the store for them if they need pads or tampons is beyond helpful.

4. If they need someone to come over and listen to them or keep them company, be that person. It helps so much.

Acts of Service to Help Post Excision Surgery

1. Go to the hospital with them for the surgery if they ask and if you can. My dad, my mom's best friend and her husband and Chelsea all went with me to mind (Thanks, Chelsea. You're the real MVP.) Chelsea and Aunt Marty helped me get dressed when it was time to leave the hospital and Chelsea even stopped by a cider mill to get the donuts I woke up from surgery NEEDING.

2. Recovery can get boring. You don't feel good enough to go be productive but not so horrible that you can't do anything. This is where friends come in. Three different friends asked me what I was craving and came over with snacks and a movie to watch (Thanks Amanda, Alicia and Megan!). They entertained me for a bit but when they could see that I wasn't feeling well, they left. And they never made me feel guilty about it. I'm truly so lucky to have friends like this. Alicia also helped me inspect my incisions because having 5 holes in my stomach really freaked me out.

3. Care packages! I know at first glance this seems like it would be more of receiving gifts thing than acts of service, but mailing gifts takes time to shop and go to the post office. I had wonderful friends send stuff like tea and chocolate, relaxing lotions and soaps and gift baskets with snacks and activities (Thank you, Matt, Emily and the Largos!). The fact that I had products to help me relax and encourage me to eat made things so much easier and all of the notes of encouragement helped so much!

4. Help with anything else they're too drugged to do. I had a cover letter due and my friend (Thanks Anne!) basically wrote it for me. I was way too high on the pain killers to write anything that made any sense. It helped ease the anxiety of not feeling like my usual self.

So, if you have some spare time to help out your loved one, these are good places to start. As always, asking what they need is so important. It makes them feel cared about and loved.