Chapter 49: Breast Reduction

I have been neglecting this blog and it’s my spring resolution to fix that. The reason I’ve been absent for so long was because today is 5 weeks post op from my breast reduction surgery. I know it’s not endometriosis related but I think it’s still important and worth discussing because a lot of the lessons I have learned during my endo journey are applicable here.

Like most people, especially women, I’ve had issues with my body. I am not athletic and I hate exercise and love chocolate and cheese, which means I am definitely not as thin as I’d like to be. However, the biggest thing that I’ve always hated about my body is well, the biggest thing. I had full C cup breasts in 7th grade. By high school, I was a D cup and by college I was a DD. Now, approaching my 32nd birthday in May (when did I get this old?!?!?!) I was an H cup before surgery. H. Most people don’t even know that bras come in that size. They do... for a cost. They’re very expensive (like minimum $50) and only available at select stores. And bathing suits that offer enough support? Forget it. That’s an easy $150 and the support is never good enough.

Much more important than the financial burden of having large breasts is the emotional and physical burden. I’ve had a headache and shoulder ache constantly since I was in high school. Constantly. Every waking hour of every day. I had grooves in my shoulders from overburdened bra straps and lines under my breasts that never went away from underwires. I had to sleep in sports bras because if I rolled over, the movement would be too much and cause pain. I saw an acupuncturist and massage therapist regularly, neither of which is covered by insurance. And then there’s the psychological aspects- the amount of “nice tits” messages I receive on dating apps is staggering, hating how you look in clothes is exhausting and having the thing that you hate also cause you pain is miserable. Plus, the reactions from men. I remember the first time a gross older man sexualized me. I was 12 and with my mom when he did it. He looked straight at my boobs and didn’t even bother trying to hide it. The burden of having large breasts takes such a toll and your body is always everyone else’s business because they can see and comment them. Yes, I know they look big in this shirt. They look big in everything because they are big.

I’ve tried to do something about this multiple times. My mom took me to a plastic surgeon when I was a freshman in college. She was an absolute nightmare. She fat shamed me and then said no insurance would cover it. At the time I was probably the thinnest I’ve ever been but had DD boobs. Then I tried again before law school and again, my insurance denied it. Since the shut down began in March, my usual means of controlling my back, neck, shoulder and head pain have been closed, and I was MISERABLE. I knew I couldn't live like this anymore and I looked for a new surgeon. I finally found Dr. Raymond Schultz. Before he would even see me for a consult I needed to send in letters and records from my acupuncturist, massage therapist, OB GYN, dermatologist and primary care doctor about the years (literally over a decade) of pain I have been in. I also had to have my first mammogram because I have a history of breast cancer in my family.

My consult with Dr. Schultz was different than my consult with the other two surgeons that I had previously seen, and this is how I knew he was one I’d trust to do the surgery. After measuring all sorts of weird angles in my boobs, he showed me exactly how much he’d have to take out to make it medically necessary and not cosmetic. I filled out paperwork about how my chest made it impossible to exercise and do basic activities (try swimming laps with 2 watermelons hanging off your chest... or better yet, run. Let me know how that goes for you). He sent all of that paperwork with the stuff my other docs had sent in and I was approved within 2 weeks. Turns out that I probably would have been eligible the whole time, had these other docs bothered to be proactive in dealing with the insurance companies. Being a woman who needs medical care is so fun. Dr. S never once mentioned my weight like the other two did. He realized that part of the reason I couldn’t work out is because I had 10 extra pounds of breast tissue on my front.

The surgery itself was... rough. I had to have it down at an outpatient surgery center and I had to go in alone due to covid restrictions. The pain I felt upon waking up was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. My chest was on fire. The burning was incredibly painful, and I have a pretty high pain tolerance thanks to living with endo for so long. I had to have drains for a few days and they were absolutely disgusting. I was not prepared for the pain, the leaking, the movement restriction and most of all, the fatigue. Five weeks later I am still exhausted. Apparently, this is normal. I was just not mentally prepared for needing a nap after picking up an Instacart order from Wegmans. I have another 3-4 weeks of this to look forward to.

My breasts are still swollen but it looks like they’ll be a D or a DD by the time I’m healed. Breast reductions also come with lifts so they are perkier than they’ve been in about 15 years. They’re still healing but the scars are going to be extensive. The first time I saw them I sat down and cried and then I almost fainted. The incisions go around each areola, straight down and around each breast and down along my side. Seeing them in the mirror has taken a lot of adjustment.

Overall, I am so happy I did this and I wish I had been able to do this sooner. My work has been very generous with time off so I was able to focus on healing. I would say the bare minimum someone getting this surgery would need 2-2.5 weeks off of work, more if they have a physically demanding job. Another thing to keep in mind is that doing this surgery has taken a bit of a toll on my mental health. Due to the pandemic, I have had too much time in isolation to think and overthink. What if the scars are super noticeable? What if the scars make dating even more difficult? What if the fatigue and swelling don’t go away? What if the extra swelling in the right side doesn’t go away and they are still lopsided? I need to work on being more patient with my healing and more kind to myself and my body. The scars won’t go away completely, but I have noticed a huge difference in my upper back. The struggles are worth it and I think this will eventually be a helpful learning experience, even if right now things are difficult.